When Jesus calmed our storm

This day could possibly be one of the most memorable days of this pilgrimage. With an early start, we all knew it was going to be a big day. Our first stop was not too far from our hotel to Kibbutz Ginosaur to the Jesus Boat Museum, where we saw a wooden boat that could possibly have been the same boat Jesus and the disciples used 2000 years ago. While staring at this wooden boat, I couldn't help but think if this was found only 2000 years ago, it makes you wonder that Jesus was on this earth not too long ago if we could still find artifacts to prove that moment in time. And if this boat did belong to Simon Peter of Capernaum, then it only highlights the fact that a regular human being really did share in the presence of Jesus in such an intimate way.

In order for our tour to deeply understand the importance of The Sea of Galilee, the local people set up a mass for us on two medium-sized boats out into the centre of the sea. This experience was truly amazing. The locals honored us by setting sail the Australian flag which made me feel, for those few moments very very proud to be Australian. The mass was celebrated by Bishop Anthony and musically accompanied by yes, Gary Pinto. Even to this day, whenever the WYD 08 theme song is sung, I get very nostalgic just remembering my active involvement in the church and with Youth For Christ. The giving thanks and festivities did not stop there; we celebrated Jesus' presence with awesome traditional Israeli music with everybody clapping their hands and dancing in joy. It was like a huge festival in the middle of the sea; the same joyous feeling the disciples would have felt as soon as Jesus calmed the storm from what they thought could possibly be their last breaths.

This mass has heightened my understanding of exactly what it is that i believe in. Bishop Anthony and his fellow priests during the many homilies on this pilgrimage, have clearly and simply put Jesus' teachings to us in a personal way. Everyone believes future mass' will never top this mass celebrated in the middle of the Sea of Galilee; definitely a memory that will last a lifetime.

Afterwards, we took a trip to Tabgha to see the Church of Multiplication. It is said here that Jesus first showed his divinity by multiplying the 4 loaves of bread and 2 fish. The rock still stood in the middle of the altar where Jesus would've performed this miracle. Whilst in awe of a simply designed church, I was thinking of just how true it is that Jesus can multiply the very little we offer him and he promise to provide. We also visited the Primacy of Peter Church, also known as the Rock of Peter, the rock that Jesus declared Peter as his next successor. Unfortunately, due to the jam packed schedules that we've had, it was hard and almost impossible to comprehend the magnitude that happened on this spot because of the voice of supervisors telling you to get on the bus asap. I wish we did get the opportunity to just reflect on the significance of the Pope and his role in order for us to be enlightened at the great service and role priesthood has in our faith but also on the future of the Catholic Church.

Soon afterwards we headed down to Capernaum, the village of Simon Peter, Jesus' first disciple and we had the opportunity to see the site Jesus performed a miracle. Ok, I will have to be honest, I don't remember much of Capernaum only because it was the hottest afternoon i've experienced in a long time. Apparently it was 38 degrees. The synagogue in Capernaum was said to be the biggest one of its kinds in Galilee, which was a sight to see but at the same time did not provide much shelter for the suffering (aka, us the pilgrims). Unfortunately due to my physical discomforts, i wasn't able to deeply reflect on these locations as much as i wanted to. Through this difficult time, i think God is saying, 'Do not be so busy as to fill your time with endless chores, but make sure you have time in the day to reflect and take a step back to see where you are going.' If we had less places to visit and more time to reflect, the heat would no bother me and the pilgrims so much.

Speaking of Pope's, its true the saying 'Never judge a book by it's cover'. During lunch beside the Sea of Galilee, I met a Filipino pilgrim named Larry (and because we have customs of respecting our elders in the Filipino culture, I'll refer to him as 'Tito Larry', meaning Uncle Larry). My first impression was probably a seminarian, or even so, an overly keen middle aged man who just loves being with people - and you will probably think the later was weird. Anyways, we struck a conversation and after an hour of getting to know each other, he turns out to be very well educated; a professor from a very prestigious university in the Philippine s, had a successful career in Media and is currently on his way to becoming a priest for the Parramatta Diocese. Now if you met Tito Larry, these points about him would not be obvious, at all. He is one of the most humble, content and generous people i know just from his life story. It's amazing how a persons exterior can never show exactly who they are and what they have achieved in life.

This day is one of the best for many reasons, but getting to know even more pilgrims and widening my circle of brothers and sisters in Christ is that icing on the cake.

Location:Sea of Galilee

From the start to the finish

Its only been the second day of this pilgrimage and I've already seen sites that have amazed me behind words. It's interesting that I was the one that actually got up this morning, without complaining or whining, but actually willing to beat the wake up call. I'm thinking it was my eagerness to start the day before the rush, or more realistically the unfamiliar territory that pushed me out of bed.

The day started off with a 40 minute drive to Mt Nebo; the mountain top where Moses was given a chance by God to see a glimpse of The Promised Land. Driving through the Jordan Valley and seeing a landscape of rocky sandy hills was the first time I knew I was no where near home. The view from Mt Nebo was spectacular but no where near the history that lies within it's soil. As I looked across the horizon, I felt a sense of responsibility, that God does not create these vast plains for no one to redeem it with goodness, otherwise the plants and whatnot that grows on this rich soil will eventually wither away. And quite sadly, it is true, the plains of the Jordan Valley did look desolate and unmaintained. But I'm certain, when Moses stood proudly, or scared on this spot, he probably had big dreams he wanted to fulfill too.

One wonderful teaching I learned whilst on this site was one in Arabic, inscribed on the back of a rock monument that was given from one of the Popes that declares Mt Nebo sacred ground that says in English "God is love, heaven welcomes everyone". When I heard this, I instantly glowed with hope knowing that what I firmly believe in is carved into rock at one of the most sacred places in history.

Another amazing moment was the visit to the Jordan River where Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist. Little did I expect (but probably expected by everyone else) was the lovely renewal of our baptismal promises led by our priests. When Bishop Anthony blessed me with holy water, I tried very hard to hold back the tears. I felt like God was saying to me 'Mary, welcome to my house. I am very glad you are here'. And to top it off, we actually got to step into the river; the same stream that once baptized my Lord - indescribable.

To end this long but truly an eye-opener kind of day, we drove to the shores of The Sea of Galilee to the Mt of Beatitudes where Jesus well, said the Beatitudes to his disciples. The mass we had overlooked the Sea of Galilee in the middle of a serene garden. You couldn't get any better than this. A message from Fr Warren that will forever stick in my mind is his words 'True happiness is knowing God'. Amen.

As I end this day I have learned one great teaching from a wise priest, 'Happiness is the same as blessings' but it all comes down to if you choose to follow the Beatitudes, for they are the keys to happiness.

Thank you God for being the wonder of the world.

Location:Jordan & Tiberius, Israel

In the city of Jordan

I'm lying in my bed after what seemed like forever to settle in. You never really appreciate what it means to have a shower until you've not had one for 36 hours. Sometimes I really do take for granted life's necessities and do not understand what others without would be feeling. Already, day one of this pilgrimage and I'm already tested in the small blessings I am given.

Rest; a word I am hardly acquainted with these days. I don't really know how to rest. Does it mean clear your mind? Does it mean sit down for a few hours and do absolutely nothing? Does it mean watch Hollywood movies on replay until you have no more DVDs to watch? What does the word 'rest' really mean? I'm dying to know because I am struggling every day just to find my feet and be aware of what's going on around me. All I keep thinking about is when can I sleep? And I'm sure all my loved ones are wondering in their heads, 'When is she going to rest?'.

Now that I've come to terms with the fact that I am the worst person to chill with, because I am just plain clueless on how to be a chill person, in the back of my head I've always known that when I pray, or when we pray together... I'm resting. I think it's because my mind has not stopped thinking, but it's finally thinking about what it's meant to; Gods voice also known as peace.

Tomorrow as we embark on the rock where Moses first had a glimpse of the promised land, I yearn to be at rest; in my body, in my mind and mostly in my heart.

Location:Amman, Jordan

Simple joys

In a society that heavily relies on technology for communication and efficiency, I am truly a sucker for it. I type freely on my new iPad, awesomely supported by internet tethering from my iPhone. This new fetish was inspired not by the catchy Apple ads but really from this new unit that I've started for my Masters that calls for journal writing during the week in Madrid. You could say this trend was also inspired by my struggle in keeping organized this past term and yelled for a better system of working. Hopefully this new toy of mine will support me in that area (and could also lessen the amount of books/folders I struggle to carry in my small arms from the car to my desk 5 days a week).

So, 3 weeks to go before the unexpected. In my struggles to find my purpose in going on this pilgrimage, I've realized it's a great opportunity for me to get to know my school community more and at the same time have a bigger reason to share the faith. I've been designated to organize a school disco this term to fundraise, looking forward to the challenge of bringing together music, fellowship and the faith all in one night... This should be easy, right?

The finger tip feeling

The title of this entry pretty much sums up how I'm feeling at the moment, or moments. Life can be as clear as a blue sky one day, and exactly the next be cloudy and dim. How does one day just change a perception of life 360 degrees? This is my current spiritual dilemma. Maybe it's the excess amount of free time I have at the moment, being school holidays and all that is stirring up my heart. Free time = thinking time in my books and that could be a deadly thing. From being overwhelmed with the copious amounts of marking to late night silence is not doing me any good. The change of routine is off-putting. My mind is not ready to face the grand reality that awaits me and teaching kinda hovers like a safety net or an umbrella from someone who is yet finding the ground between adolescence and being a serious 24 year old adult. It is true when they say your 20's can make or break you... and right now I'm in between.

During our usual conversations about the going-ons in our life, my fiancé asks me the question that I have not yet found the answer to: What is something you live for? Well I guess that's easy in some way to answer - him for one, being the love I believe fits mine in all ways, being a teacher... you know, the obvious. But really deep down, I still have trouble in saying that I find all my happiness in God, when days in and out sometimes feels like he is not there. Is he removing all my minds luxuries just so I feel like I am left with nothing, and only he can fill this space? If so, he has done a pretty good job at it because I am hands and feet on the ground wanting to be reassured that all I am is all I am meant to be.

Otherwise, please God... enlighten me.

Departure and return

It's been a long time (almost 3 months) since I've last put thoughts on paper. In that case it just goes to show what a crazy 3 months it has been - not in the preparations for WYD, but for everything else in between (teaching, marking, report writing, tutoring...report writing). It's sad to say WYD has been placed in the back of my mind and only spoken in conversation when a diocesan meeting was fast approaching, or when my fortnightly income is being calculated and transferred between accounts in hopes for enough funds for this trip. In saying so, this opportunity - exactly a month away has always been in my prayers and something I deeply long for... a way to tighten my grip when I feel like letting go.

Many aspects of my life is changing. Things I used to know are not so clear anymore and that's probably because I've come to see the reality in them - the imperfections of relationships, the undying importance of family, the political notions of the workforce, the grace of true friendships and the limits of time. All these aspects put together in the past few weeks has allowed me to reconnect with who I am, what I am doing in my life and why do I live. I've asked God these questions in many sleepless nights, in uncontrollable classroom situations, and in overtime hours of work, and all He has left me with to reflect on the past few days has been this question:

'Who do you say I am?' (Luke 9:18)

To answer this question would take me a long time because he is so many things to me. He is everything to me. But when I think of this question in preparation for WYD, I reflect on the exact 'journey' I am about to take. The 'Holy Land to Madrid' tour passes through the exact footsteps of Jesus himself - Bethlehem, Nazareth, Judea, Mt. Tabor, Cana and Jerusalem. I type these places down with ease but really cannot comprehend the magnititude these sites have on my beliefs and ultimately who I am as a person. I've known of this pilgrimage since October last year, and yet I still can't comprehend exactly why I am going on this walk. I don't even believe I'm worthy. A part of me denies that these places even exist and not even Fr. Warren's recent visit to Israel and Jordan in a photo presentation has reeled me in completely. Yes, I was in awe. But I just cannot fathom the reality of seeing and touching such sacred sites and understand that 2000 years ago, it was Jesus who was truly present there.

It's not about the sites anyway - that wasn't what caught my eye. It was more than seeing to believe. This pilgrimage is my way of walking at the side of Jesus, and being. It's about feeling the humaness that he endured and finally reassuring myself that it is the same cross we carry. It's about igniting my faith that the human flesh has caused to doubt. It's all about knowing who I am completely before I embark on a new journey he has blessed me with. And before I move on with the next stage of my life, I'd want to know I will still have him walking beside me as the other set of footprints.

I'm all in... for life

This years Lenten season was a combination of a series of challenges, goals, committment and self-analysing. At the beginning of the season, the moment I was fortunate enough to give and receive ashes that day, I thought deeply about fasting... like serious fasting - something that could turn my knuckles red at the urge of having. After minutes of thinking and with no ideas, I knew instead of giving up, I would give more. And so the idea of praying every single night together would be the perfect Easter committment. I know as a Catholic, praying every day should be a norm - and I do, with my students, in every single class. But when you pray with someone, you somehow feel accountable to praying every day, regardless of how you feel or what you want to say - but just because you need to.

During Lent I've had a new perspective on prayer. There were times when it felt like it was unecessary, because I would usually give thanks or ask for help during the day in my own heart. But saying it out loud and giving up at least 10 minutes just talking to God, makes all the difference to how you feel after you do pray. It does take a lot of focus and effort to pray, and I know this is one of the reasons why young people in my care sometimes find it a routine in my class before we start a lesson, rather than a time dedicated in conversation with God. You don't get instant results but I do believe you get instant cleansing of your perspectives on life after you do pray - it's like God turned on the windshield wipers on a rainy day and instant clarity.

I feel like the Passion of Christ was much closer to me this year in the way of suffering - at times a demotivation to teach or study, an uninspired heart to lead, a tired servant - yearning for rest. I was like the disciples on the boat, anxious and worried about the boat sinking and almost being swamped by the waves - marking, lesson planning, writing an essay for my Masters, filling out forms for WYD, and planning our wedding. When the waves get too high to avoid, you start wondering why you even thought about getting on the boat in the first place where there could've been a bigger boat, with more space and much stronger against the tide. But Jesus has placed me on this particular boat because He knows I can survive and stay afloat. He has comforted me with his words,

“Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” (Mark 4:40)

And these words has been planted in my heart, and I am no longer shaken by any storm. As Jesus died on the cross, I reflect on the calm that He will provide. And during His rising, I am deeply assured of His promises of light, courage and hope and continue to pray that my spiritual preparations for WYD only open up more doors that will let in more light.

He is risen, Hallelujah!