Via Dolorosa

Friday, August 12, 2011

Today was an experience in itself; all that we had saw, felt, touched and learned came together in an afternoon of The Stations of the Cross right in the heart of Jerusalem. Our bus; who have been our tour group for the past 2 weeks did a great job in planning and getting involved in all the readings and reflections which made it more personal to all us who share this pilgrimage in an intimate way. As we began the stations of the cross and handed over our own group cross to carry, I felt very honored to have shared this experience with other young people and not be afraid to be venerate to Jesus out loud. It was an entirely different experience to any stations of the cross I've ever been involved in; walking through the city markets, dodging cars and just being amongst the local Israeli's in their every day life. The moment that really got me in the right frame of mind during our reflections was when one of our leaders, Anne Ellis said, 'It is not us carrying the cross, it is Jesus, who continues to carry our cross every single day of our lives'.

The pinnacle of our day was in Golgotha, the hills of the skull where Jesus was crucified. Standing within only metres of the crucifixion and reflecting on his death just reminded me that Jesus endured for our sins right till the end. And all we ask from Him is just as the song says, 'Jesus, remember me, when you come into your Kingdom'.

The rest of the afternoon gave us the opportunity to visit and enter the tomb of Jesus. It was not as I expected; it wasn't a rock tomb on a nice green hill as the images and movies have all portrayed with a large round tomb door, but rather a shrine built over the remains of the tomb surrounded by images of the Holy Mother and candles. As I was praying inside the tomb, all I could say to God was 'Do as you will in my life' and I was certain the love of Christ on that cross will yield only the best for me.

At the end of the evening, our group was invited to venerate on the very spot Jesus died on the cross. Unfortunately, as we were ready to see this place, the Orthodox Armenians were also just about to start their own prayer rituals and we were waiting for almost an hour. Due to the very long wait and fellow pilgrims beginning to feel sick from the long hot day, our opportunity was cut to a close. Yes, it was personally disheartening not to touch the crucifixion spot, but after a deep moment of asking the Holy Spirit to cleanse my mind with good thoughts, immediately I found myself blessed just to be able to go on this pilgrimage.

There are moments in our lives where we get disappointed because not all things happen to how we want them to. But through my experience tonight, I learnt the value of taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture; we are blessed. Sometimes we just fail to look at the good things we do have and focus more on what is going wrong. I thank God for enlightening me with the gift of patience and His presence in my life.

Location:Jerusalem, Israel

Transfiguration and wedding in Cana

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Today was yet another highlight of this pilgrimage. I feel it's just getting better and better. First of all, the weather for the most part of the morning was great; no striking heat with a cool breeze. We started the day on a trip to Mt. Tabor, considered one of the highest points in Galilee. Our bus only took us quarter of the way while we made the rest of the winding road via a shuttle bus. Now these drivers would have to be one of the bravest out there only because the road up could barely fit two cars and involved at least 50 degree turns. I barely had my eyes open and only hoped we would make it to the mountain top alive.

And I'm glad we did make it alive because the Church of the Transfiguration was designed with much thought and detail. The mass inside the church was a personal experience for me as Fr Warren reminded all of us that this pilgrimage is a special one because it is not just visiting sites of holy people like the Pope or even Mary MacKillop, but God himself through the person of Jesus. I was reminded how blessed we all were to be able to see and touch the soil God once walked on as man.

Soon afterwards we visited the village of Cana, which I looked forward to because it was a time for marriage couples the opportunity to renew their vows with a special celebration inside the church. I was very moved as soon as the traditional wedding song started playing and our four pilgrim couples walked down the aisle. There is definitely something about weddings that make the entire congregation roar with joy. It was a beautiful and rewarding experience to know there are people who still value the spirit of marriage.

It is really comforting to know that we do not need to be on the mountain to to be transformed by God, but we are constantly invited to share in the same transformation in the Holy Eucharist, which is the 'high point' of our Christian lives. Thanks be to God.

Location:Mt. Tabor & Cana, Israel

When Jesus calmed our storm

This day could possibly be one of the most memorable days of this pilgrimage. With an early start, we all knew it was going to be a big day. Our first stop was not too far from our hotel to Kibbutz Ginosaur to the Jesus Boat Museum, where we saw a wooden boat that could possibly have been the same boat Jesus and the disciples used 2000 years ago. While staring at this wooden boat, I couldn't help but think if this was found only 2000 years ago, it makes you wonder that Jesus was on this earth not too long ago if we could still find artifacts to prove that moment in time. And if this boat did belong to Simon Peter of Capernaum, then it only highlights the fact that a regular human being really did share in the presence of Jesus in such an intimate way.

In order for our tour to deeply understand the importance of The Sea of Galilee, the local people set up a mass for us on two medium-sized boats out into the centre of the sea. This experience was truly amazing. The locals honored us by setting sail the Australian flag which made me feel, for those few moments very very proud to be Australian. The mass was celebrated by Bishop Anthony and musically accompanied by yes, Gary Pinto. Even to this day, whenever the WYD 08 theme song is sung, I get very nostalgic just remembering my active involvement in the church and with Youth For Christ. The giving thanks and festivities did not stop there; we celebrated Jesus' presence with awesome traditional Israeli music with everybody clapping their hands and dancing in joy. It was like a huge festival in the middle of the sea; the same joyous feeling the disciples would have felt as soon as Jesus calmed the storm from what they thought could possibly be their last breaths.

This mass has heightened my understanding of exactly what it is that i believe in. Bishop Anthony and his fellow priests during the many homilies on this pilgrimage, have clearly and simply put Jesus' teachings to us in a personal way. Everyone believes future mass' will never top this mass celebrated in the middle of the Sea of Galilee; definitely a memory that will last a lifetime.

Afterwards, we took a trip to Tabgha to see the Church of Multiplication. It is said here that Jesus first showed his divinity by multiplying the 4 loaves of bread and 2 fish. The rock still stood in the middle of the altar where Jesus would've performed this miracle. Whilst in awe of a simply designed church, I was thinking of just how true it is that Jesus can multiply the very little we offer him and he promise to provide. We also visited the Primacy of Peter Church, also known as the Rock of Peter, the rock that Jesus declared Peter as his next successor. Unfortunately, due to the jam packed schedules that we've had, it was hard and almost impossible to comprehend the magnitude that happened on this spot because of the voice of supervisors telling you to get on the bus asap. I wish we did get the opportunity to just reflect on the significance of the Pope and his role in order for us to be enlightened at the great service and role priesthood has in our faith but also on the future of the Catholic Church.

Soon afterwards we headed down to Capernaum, the village of Simon Peter, Jesus' first disciple and we had the opportunity to see the site Jesus performed a miracle. Ok, I will have to be honest, I don't remember much of Capernaum only because it was the hottest afternoon i've experienced in a long time. Apparently it was 38 degrees. The synagogue in Capernaum was said to be the biggest one of its kinds in Galilee, which was a sight to see but at the same time did not provide much shelter for the suffering (aka, us the pilgrims). Unfortunately due to my physical discomforts, i wasn't able to deeply reflect on these locations as much as i wanted to. Through this difficult time, i think God is saying, 'Do not be so busy as to fill your time with endless chores, but make sure you have time in the day to reflect and take a step back to see where you are going.' If we had less places to visit and more time to reflect, the heat would no bother me and the pilgrims so much.

Speaking of Pope's, its true the saying 'Never judge a book by it's cover'. During lunch beside the Sea of Galilee, I met a Filipino pilgrim named Larry (and because we have customs of respecting our elders in the Filipino culture, I'll refer to him as 'Tito Larry', meaning Uncle Larry). My first impression was probably a seminarian, or even so, an overly keen middle aged man who just loves being with people - and you will probably think the later was weird. Anyways, we struck a conversation and after an hour of getting to know each other, he turns out to be very well educated; a professor from a very prestigious university in the Philippine s, had a successful career in Media and is currently on his way to becoming a priest for the Parramatta Diocese. Now if you met Tito Larry, these points about him would not be obvious, at all. He is one of the most humble, content and generous people i know just from his life story. It's amazing how a persons exterior can never show exactly who they are and what they have achieved in life.

This day is one of the best for many reasons, but getting to know even more pilgrims and widening my circle of brothers and sisters in Christ is that icing on the cake.

Location:Sea of Galilee

From the start to the finish

Its only been the second day of this pilgrimage and I've already seen sites that have amazed me behind words. It's interesting that I was the one that actually got up this morning, without complaining or whining, but actually willing to beat the wake up call. I'm thinking it was my eagerness to start the day before the rush, or more realistically the unfamiliar territory that pushed me out of bed.

The day started off with a 40 minute drive to Mt Nebo; the mountain top where Moses was given a chance by God to see a glimpse of The Promised Land. Driving through the Jordan Valley and seeing a landscape of rocky sandy hills was the first time I knew I was no where near home. The view from Mt Nebo was spectacular but no where near the history that lies within it's soil. As I looked across the horizon, I felt a sense of responsibility, that God does not create these vast plains for no one to redeem it with goodness, otherwise the plants and whatnot that grows on this rich soil will eventually wither away. And quite sadly, it is true, the plains of the Jordan Valley did look desolate and unmaintained. But I'm certain, when Moses stood proudly, or scared on this spot, he probably had big dreams he wanted to fulfill too.

One wonderful teaching I learned whilst on this site was one in Arabic, inscribed on the back of a rock monument that was given from one of the Popes that declares Mt Nebo sacred ground that says in English "God is love, heaven welcomes everyone". When I heard this, I instantly glowed with hope knowing that what I firmly believe in is carved into rock at one of the most sacred places in history.

Another amazing moment was the visit to the Jordan River where Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist. Little did I expect (but probably expected by everyone else) was the lovely renewal of our baptismal promises led by our priests. When Bishop Anthony blessed me with holy water, I tried very hard to hold back the tears. I felt like God was saying to me 'Mary, welcome to my house. I am very glad you are here'. And to top it off, we actually got to step into the river; the same stream that once baptized my Lord - indescribable.

To end this long but truly an eye-opener kind of day, we drove to the shores of The Sea of Galilee to the Mt of Beatitudes where Jesus well, said the Beatitudes to his disciples. The mass we had overlooked the Sea of Galilee in the middle of a serene garden. You couldn't get any better than this. A message from Fr Warren that will forever stick in my mind is his words 'True happiness is knowing God'. Amen.

As I end this day I have learned one great teaching from a wise priest, 'Happiness is the same as blessings' but it all comes down to if you choose to follow the Beatitudes, for they are the keys to happiness.

Thank you God for being the wonder of the world.

Location:Jordan & Tiberius, Israel

In the city of Jordan

I'm lying in my bed after what seemed like forever to settle in. You never really appreciate what it means to have a shower until you've not had one for 36 hours. Sometimes I really do take for granted life's necessities and do not understand what others without would be feeling. Already, day one of this pilgrimage and I'm already tested in the small blessings I am given.

Rest; a word I am hardly acquainted with these days. I don't really know how to rest. Does it mean clear your mind? Does it mean sit down for a few hours and do absolutely nothing? Does it mean watch Hollywood movies on replay until you have no more DVDs to watch? What does the word 'rest' really mean? I'm dying to know because I am struggling every day just to find my feet and be aware of what's going on around me. All I keep thinking about is when can I sleep? And I'm sure all my loved ones are wondering in their heads, 'When is she going to rest?'.

Now that I've come to terms with the fact that I am the worst person to chill with, because I am just plain clueless on how to be a chill person, in the back of my head I've always known that when I pray, or when we pray together... I'm resting. I think it's because my mind has not stopped thinking, but it's finally thinking about what it's meant to; Gods voice also known as peace.

Tomorrow as we embark on the rock where Moses first had a glimpse of the promised land, I yearn to be at rest; in my body, in my mind and mostly in my heart.

Location:Amman, Jordan

Simple joys

In a society that heavily relies on technology for communication and efficiency, I am truly a sucker for it. I type freely on my new iPad, awesomely supported by internet tethering from my iPhone. This new fetish was inspired not by the catchy Apple ads but really from this new unit that I've started for my Masters that calls for journal writing during the week in Madrid. You could say this trend was also inspired by my struggle in keeping organized this past term and yelled for a better system of working. Hopefully this new toy of mine will support me in that area (and could also lessen the amount of books/folders I struggle to carry in my small arms from the car to my desk 5 days a week).

So, 3 weeks to go before the unexpected. In my struggles to find my purpose in going on this pilgrimage, I've realized it's a great opportunity for me to get to know my school community more and at the same time have a bigger reason to share the faith. I've been designated to organize a school disco this term to fundraise, looking forward to the challenge of bringing together music, fellowship and the faith all in one night... This should be easy, right?

The finger tip feeling

The title of this entry pretty much sums up how I'm feeling at the moment, or moments. Life can be as clear as a blue sky one day, and exactly the next be cloudy and dim. How does one day just change a perception of life 360 degrees? This is my current spiritual dilemma. Maybe it's the excess amount of free time I have at the moment, being school holidays and all that is stirring up my heart. Free time = thinking time in my books and that could be a deadly thing. From being overwhelmed with the copious amounts of marking to late night silence is not doing me any good. The change of routine is off-putting. My mind is not ready to face the grand reality that awaits me and teaching kinda hovers like a safety net or an umbrella from someone who is yet finding the ground between adolescence and being a serious 24 year old adult. It is true when they say your 20's can make or break you... and right now I'm in between.

During our usual conversations about the going-ons in our life, my fiancé asks me the question that I have not yet found the answer to: What is something you live for? Well I guess that's easy in some way to answer - him for one, being the love I believe fits mine in all ways, being a teacher... you know, the obvious. But really deep down, I still have trouble in saying that I find all my happiness in God, when days in and out sometimes feels like he is not there. Is he removing all my minds luxuries just so I feel like I am left with nothing, and only he can fill this space? If so, he has done a pretty good job at it because I am hands and feet on the ground wanting to be reassured that all I am is all I am meant to be.

Otherwise, please God... enlighten me.