I'm all in... for life

This years Lenten season was a combination of a series of challenges, goals, committment and self-analysing. At the beginning of the season, the moment I was fortunate enough to give and receive ashes that day, I thought deeply about fasting... like serious fasting - something that could turn my knuckles red at the urge of having. After minutes of thinking and with no ideas, I knew instead of giving up, I would give more. And so the idea of praying every single night together would be the perfect Easter committment. I know as a Catholic, praying every day should be a norm - and I do, with my students, in every single class. But when you pray with someone, you somehow feel accountable to praying every day, regardless of how you feel or what you want to say - but just because you need to.

During Lent I've had a new perspective on prayer. There were times when it felt like it was unecessary, because I would usually give thanks or ask for help during the day in my own heart. But saying it out loud and giving up at least 10 minutes just talking to God, makes all the difference to how you feel after you do pray. It does take a lot of focus and effort to pray, and I know this is one of the reasons why young people in my care sometimes find it a routine in my class before we start a lesson, rather than a time dedicated in conversation with God. You don't get instant results but I do believe you get instant cleansing of your perspectives on life after you do pray - it's like God turned on the windshield wipers on a rainy day and instant clarity.

I feel like the Passion of Christ was much closer to me this year in the way of suffering - at times a demotivation to teach or study, an uninspired heart to lead, a tired servant - yearning for rest. I was like the disciples on the boat, anxious and worried about the boat sinking and almost being swamped by the waves - marking, lesson planning, writing an essay for my Masters, filling out forms for WYD, and planning our wedding. When the waves get too high to avoid, you start wondering why you even thought about getting on the boat in the first place where there could've been a bigger boat, with more space and much stronger against the tide. But Jesus has placed me on this particular boat because He knows I can survive and stay afloat. He has comforted me with his words,

“Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” (Mark 4:40)

And these words has been planted in my heart, and I am no longer shaken by any storm. As Jesus died on the cross, I reflect on the calm that He will provide. And during His rising, I am deeply assured of His promises of light, courage and hope and continue to pray that my spiritual preparations for WYD only open up more doors that will let in more light.

He is risen, Hallelujah!

A change in route

For weeks now, we pilgrims of the 'Holy Land to Madrid' tour have been anticipating the decision of the possible change in our itinerary. Initially, our tour highlighted the Sphinx and city of Giza, which scored many 'likes'. But unfortunately, due to world issues this route is no longer possible. That was probably the expected outcome by all, but I had the small hope that maybe ...just maybe Egypt would be in some civilised state come 4 months. However, just this afternoon I received an email with a letter attached from our tour leader himself, Bishop Anthony Fisher about the new agenda:

'This will infact, allow a more relaxed and comprehensive pilgrimage of the Holy Land featuring five nights in Galilee and a final five nights in Jerusalem prior to WYD Madrid.'

Key words: relaxed and comprehensive. My exact expectations on this pilgrimage. The only thing I was worried about was the change to the entire tour altogether, as rumors went around our tour was going to somewhat mirror the Spain + France plan. As enticing as that sounds, and in most respect to the spiritual aspect of this tour as well, I was praying for a tour that would not resemble my Contiki experience back in 2008, but something much, much deeper.

As I've been reflecting on this outcome, all I know is God is in control of everything. We may have the grandest plan for this WYD experience to be at its best, but at the end of the day what we cannot control is the indicator that God only knows what will happen next. As Farrell has clearly mentioned that this change of itinerary 'is probably a blessing in disguise', it sure is nothing less of a blessing. God knows we pilgrims yearn to see His face at this pilgrimage, and somehow it is like nights in Galilee and Jerusalem is God's way of saying you can rest where I have. How amazing. :)

Oh, and the ample time made as a stop over in Dubai for some exploring is a teaser from God, I think. ;)

Be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord's coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near. (James 5:7-8)

Chosen and called

Tuesday, 4th April
It's refreshing to end a long day with the wise words of those who stand convicted in their vocation. I have never heard a talk about 'vocations' that truly hit home and got us wondering, 'Is this the life God has planned for us?'. Usually this question poses deep worry and contemplation whether you're walking the walk God has planned for your life, or it may be the biggest bump on the side that you are nowhere near where you are meant to be. But how do we really know we are what we are meant to be in this life?

Sister Julie, from the Sisters of the Marian apostolic movement at Mt Schoenstatt gave justice to the importance of finding your vocation. A coroporate women who had an 8 year involvement in one of the largest law firms in Sydney, has taken a life-turn, a turn she shared as her 'sense of peace, joy and freedom' she could not find elsewhere. She also shared with us the secret to happiness, that is 'To find our vocation and live it' in single life, married life or religious life. It is easy to mention a tool for happiness, but the real question resides: 'Do I trust Him?'.

While sitting in a room full of young people alike, who share the same path of a proposed WYD pilgrimage, I was hearing her words as if Christ himself was speaking only to me. It wasn't a wake up call, but more of a deep affirmation that I have chosen the right degree and wake up to a career I feel joy (most days anyways, it's also part of reality) and have chosen a partner who relives the meaning of freedom with me every single day. Being a teacher brings out the challenges that make and break me on a daily basis, that only teaching could ever teach me. Yes, I had other goals to maybe become a website designer, or magazine illustrator back in the day, but my ultimate choice of being a teacher overrides my talents and interests, but rather puts them both in a bag called teaching itself.

On the drive home as we were talking about the talk, there were moments of silence broken down by smiles and giggles because somewhere in the deepest crevices of our hearts, we both knew that being engaged and being excited for a married life together was 'our peace'. When As a wise friend once shared to me, 'You know you're meant to be together when your heart beats for the same thing' and it does just that. What is God's affirmation? When you find that one person who loves you deeper than you can love yourself, then you've won it all. :)

The favourite kind it seems, is chocolate

Thursday, 31st of March
The second day of our WYD hot cross bun fundraiser. Success #2. Although Farrell and I were blocked with a full teaching day, it's great to know we have our coordinators support all the way - even for menial reasons, like setting up tables in Town Square. As I quicklywalked to Towns Square to help out, in the corner of my eye I see a crowd around our usual table and knew it was going to be another success. 7 dozen chocolate buns sold in 15 minutes. It's quite easy selling this off, but so much harder for the fruit. Even teachers loved the chocolate flavour!

I really feel humble knowing that although the WYD fundraiser are going towards funding people (aka Farrell and I) and not so much as a charity group, people of this school community still offer up their support and their time for this cause. Namely our helpers who are mostly in year 9. I knew I had to say thank you somehow, so shouting them a hot cross bun each was the least I could do for their gratitude. The look on their faces were priceless because they didn't expect a reward in return. This is exactly what Jesus taught the disciples - give without counting the cost and he will bless you tenfold (Proverbs 10:12). My tenfold is the simple fact that we are suported in our mission for WYD - and that is enough for me. God bless St Clare's.

Hot Cross Buns - straight out of the oven!

The first WYD fundraiser, a plan into action. After a lengthly meeting with Adrian (introducing the REC...) about numerous ideas for fundraisers, the call for a 'Hot Cross Bun' sale was too loud. During the Lenten season, we decided the easiest (and one of the yummiest, not to mention healthy too) and quickest collector was to sell hot cross buns at recess for $1. The plan was to sell on the days WTF (and my student's gave me grief for this acronym ...it was lesson minutes wasted because I tried to explain the real deal) for 2 weeks and bring some bun goodness to our school community. :)


Wednesday, 30th March.
Success #1 (on mine and Farrell's behalf - introducing my colleague and lovely friend). Our very own organised WYD fundraiser. I can admit, I felt pretty nervous a period before recess, as the setting up was all up to me, while Farrell and our helpers were all in class. It takes physical reassurance sometimes to know we were on the right track to setting up any school-related business, and this was our first. up the flyers went, tables set up, money box ready and hot-cross buns waiting to be consumed...

As the recess bell rang, I had made the first annoucement over the PA about the stall and our goals. The whole schoole could've heard the nervous feeling inside of me. But as I walked casually into Town Square, the weight of anxiety quickly lifted off my shoulder as I saw a large crowd of teachers and students lining up for a treat! And a treat it was for them. (Still) warm chocolate and fruit hot cross buns were being buttered and jammed left right and centre. Our helpers did not stop without a smile. I could actually say we had too many students who wante to help out at the stall, and that is truly a blessing in itself. In the 20 minutes of frantic selling and serving, we managed to finish ALL the chocolate buns and three dozen fruit buns.

What can I say? I was blown away at the compassion and support of the staff and students of this great cause. This experience has truly opened my eyes to the hidden sense of service the people of St. Clare hold dearly. I can't wait to do this all again tomorrow.