I'm all in... for life

This years Lenten season was a combination of a series of challenges, goals, committment and self-analysing. At the beginning of the season, the moment I was fortunate enough to give and receive ashes that day, I thought deeply about fasting... like serious fasting - something that could turn my knuckles red at the urge of having. After minutes of thinking and with no ideas, I knew instead of giving up, I would give more. And so the idea of praying every single night together would be the perfect Easter committment. I know as a Catholic, praying every day should be a norm - and I do, with my students, in every single class. But when you pray with someone, you somehow feel accountable to praying every day, regardless of how you feel or what you want to say - but just because you need to.

During Lent I've had a new perspective on prayer. There were times when it felt like it was unecessary, because I would usually give thanks or ask for help during the day in my own heart. But saying it out loud and giving up at least 10 minutes just talking to God, makes all the difference to how you feel after you do pray. It does take a lot of focus and effort to pray, and I know this is one of the reasons why young people in my care sometimes find it a routine in my class before we start a lesson, rather than a time dedicated in conversation with God. You don't get instant results but I do believe you get instant cleansing of your perspectives on life after you do pray - it's like God turned on the windshield wipers on a rainy day and instant clarity.

I feel like the Passion of Christ was much closer to me this year in the way of suffering - at times a demotivation to teach or study, an uninspired heart to lead, a tired servant - yearning for rest. I was like the disciples on the boat, anxious and worried about the boat sinking and almost being swamped by the waves - marking, lesson planning, writing an essay for my Masters, filling out forms for WYD, and planning our wedding. When the waves get too high to avoid, you start wondering why you even thought about getting on the boat in the first place where there could've been a bigger boat, with more space and much stronger against the tide. But Jesus has placed me on this particular boat because He knows I can survive and stay afloat. He has comforted me with his words,

“Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” (Mark 4:40)

And these words has been planted in my heart, and I am no longer shaken by any storm. As Jesus died on the cross, I reflect on the calm that He will provide. And during His rising, I am deeply assured of His promises of light, courage and hope and continue to pray that my spiritual preparations for WYD only open up more doors that will let in more light.

He is risen, Hallelujah!