Departure and return

It's been a long time (almost 3 months) since I've last put thoughts on paper. In that case it just goes to show what a crazy 3 months it has been - not in the preparations for WYD, but for everything else in between (teaching, marking, report writing, tutoring...report writing). It's sad to say WYD has been placed in the back of my mind and only spoken in conversation when a diocesan meeting was fast approaching, or when my fortnightly income is being calculated and transferred between accounts in hopes for enough funds for this trip. In saying so, this opportunity - exactly a month away has always been in my prayers and something I deeply long for... a way to tighten my grip when I feel like letting go.

Many aspects of my life is changing. Things I used to know are not so clear anymore and that's probably because I've come to see the reality in them - the imperfections of relationships, the undying importance of family, the political notions of the workforce, the grace of true friendships and the limits of time. All these aspects put together in the past few weeks has allowed me to reconnect with who I am, what I am doing in my life and why do I live. I've asked God these questions in many sleepless nights, in uncontrollable classroom situations, and in overtime hours of work, and all He has left me with to reflect on the past few days has been this question:

'Who do you say I am?' (Luke 9:18)

To answer this question would take me a long time because he is so many things to me. He is everything to me. But when I think of this question in preparation for WYD, I reflect on the exact 'journey' I am about to take. The 'Holy Land to Madrid' tour passes through the exact footsteps of Jesus himself - Bethlehem, Nazareth, Judea, Mt. Tabor, Cana and Jerusalem. I type these places down with ease but really cannot comprehend the magnititude these sites have on my beliefs and ultimately who I am as a person. I've known of this pilgrimage since October last year, and yet I still can't comprehend exactly why I am going on this walk. I don't even believe I'm worthy. A part of me denies that these places even exist and not even Fr. Warren's recent visit to Israel and Jordan in a photo presentation has reeled me in completely. Yes, I was in awe. But I just cannot fathom the reality of seeing and touching such sacred sites and understand that 2000 years ago, it was Jesus who was truly present there.

It's not about the sites anyway - that wasn't what caught my eye. It was more than seeing to believe. This pilgrimage is my way of walking at the side of Jesus, and being. It's about feeling the humaness that he endured and finally reassuring myself that it is the same cross we carry. It's about igniting my faith that the human flesh has caused to doubt. It's all about knowing who I am completely before I embark on a new journey he has blessed me with. And before I move on with the next stage of my life, I'd want to know I will still have him walking beside me as the other set of footprints.